So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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