If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize