How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
