Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
