I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
