It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
