I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
