We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
