I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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