I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
