I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
