Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
