I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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