I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
