Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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