you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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