he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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