Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
