saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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