I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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