Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
