Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
