Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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