after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
