Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
