did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
