I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
