Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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