im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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