Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
