I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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