The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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