Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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