I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
