So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
