I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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