i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize