dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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