does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had to cum in my sink.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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