You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
