I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
honey bunches of taint.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
