Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
