I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
