Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize