I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
