im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
