he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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