based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
