yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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