My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize