You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
