Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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