You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
