Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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