Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
