All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
