first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
