You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
