I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
