I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
