McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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