he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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