If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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