dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
