I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
