It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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