Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
