BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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