maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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