my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
