last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she peed on how many people?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize