ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
