just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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