So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize