you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
