I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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