so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
