Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
