She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
