I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
