There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
