4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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