I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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