i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
