Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize