she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
