i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
