I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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