Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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