im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
