are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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