I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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