I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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