so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
