i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
