This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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