Don't you send me to vm
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize