? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there is puke in my bra ... again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
