I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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