Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
MIDGETS
????
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
