I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
