We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
