life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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