i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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