Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
