Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
