I just saw a hot homeless man
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
