Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
