Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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