i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
