closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
