He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
