if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
