Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
