It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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