he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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