i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
