eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
