if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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