His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
