She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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